Sunday, June 09, 2013
Today I have come to a realization: for all 21 years of my life, I have been a coward.
I can't trust people easily because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Thus, I always build a barrier between myself and other people. I'm afraid of getting close to people, I'm afraid that they might misuse my trust, I don't know why. Eventually, befriending me can be tiring because communications are always hindered by the
wall in between. Sometimes I wanna step out, but my fear keeps pulling me back.
I don't dare to venture into new things because I don't know what to expect of ahead of me. Whenever a new challenge approaches, people would normally go, "Let's try and take things as they come!" On the contrary, my response would be, "Let's not try cos we have never done this before. We gotta play safe!"
I'm afraid of making mistakes because I have no confidence in handling the implications. And because I don't wanna make mistakes, I can't learn from my mistakes and the more I'm unable to handle the implications.
What have I been fearing of all my life? Getting hurt? I don't understand why I've been overprotective of myself. Even a kid has to
fall to learn how to
walk, why am I expecting myself to
walk without
falling? Furthermore, being such a coward is making me escape from reality. Just because I wanna stay safe, I turn myself away from all the
perils.
I can't lead such a life anymore. Even if it's hard to leave the comfort zone I've been staying for the past 2 decades, I'm gonna try to embrace challenges. I must face the music and I need to shatter the barrier around me. I will progress from my little spot to greater heights.
1:21 AM
Till we meet again..
